Weed is an important part of getting down
and retaining your sanity in big cities.
Not quite as much fun as alcohol, but it doesn't give you a hangover.
It's such a benign substance that doctors prescribe it,
and yet curiously it's illegal.
Right now, weed is cheap, good, and easy to get.
So let's hope it stays illegal.
There are really only two types of weed.
Dirt weed or shake. And skunk weed,
also known as kind bud, chronic, and the good shit among other things.
Dirt weed is cheaper and full of twigs and seeds,
lacking in potent hairy buds.
Just because it's not as strong,
it doesn't mean it's without merit.
Dirt weed is great for in the mornings.
Or at work.
Skunk weed is the pungent, sticky buds that get you super high.
Good for traffic jams,
and it can make any food taste like a gourmet feast.
The government will tell you that years of smoking weed
will make you stupid. This is incorrect.
Every time you smoke weed, you will become more stupid
if only temporarily.
Don't think for a second that if you get stoned at the party
you will be witty and clever.
I love getting iry.
What?
I used to smoke weed with L. Ron Hubbard.
And remember Guide tip number two:
Don't smoke weed if you are already drunk.
She's a happy drunk, and she loves getting stoned.
But mixed together she gets the spins.
Weed is superb for hangovers, stress, or any kind of nausea.
It's also very effective against feminine abdominal issues.
Weed can be ingested in a number of ways.
Most common is the joint.
Joints are constructed thus.
First, you sprinkle the weed throughout the length, like so.
And if you don't want a pregnant one, you use your finger.
Then, you gently pinch the tips with your fingers.
And roll the shaft with your thumbs.
Not too tight,
or it'll be hard to suck.
You lick it...
you stick it, and that's how I roll.
Look at it. Magnificent.
Fantastic.
And now you smoke.
This bikini is too tight.
Mine, too. It's so scratchy.
Let's switch.
Joints turn weed into a social drug
because they are often passed around.
But there are strict rules about passing joints.
Whoever's weed it is, can smoke as much as he or she likes
before passing.
We'll know about puff-puff-give.
It's not puff-chat, chat-puff-give.
Tell your story when you're not holding the joint.
What the fuck?
Look, man, don't baby-sit the shit, okay?
I wasn't done with that.
You're done now.
And it's bad manners to kill it
if there are still people waiting for their first hit.
I suppose you smoke this, Tinkerbell.
You're a cool ass, chick.
Advanced stoners employ a technique
known as "the go between."
Without question, the most effective way to smoke your weed is with a bong.
The water filters out most of the tar and it cools the smoke down.
The brochure that came with this bong says it removes 80% of the tar.
That sounded high,
so we ran our own tests.
Go ahead. What's gonna happen? Is it gonna be soft?
This is good. You ready?
Give me a break. God, Jesus! Bro!
I have a hole in my hand!
But the results were inconclusive.
Now you're ready to face the day,
no matter how stressful your job.
After a few drinks, the boys are getting antsy
and want to purchase some cocaine.
It's always advisable to figure out your drug requirements ahead of time.
You get a better deal, it's safer, and you can prep your poison properly.
But sometimes it's not possible.
When buying drugs at a bar or a club,
it's important to remember certain guidelines.
You see the mistake here. Too conspicuous.
Now, let's try it again, but this time Tony already has the money together.
Once you've acquired your cocaine,
the next thing to remember is to have some fun.
Chop it up as fine as you can,
because to get the desired effect, it has to get into the blood stream.
Larger lumps simply dissolve in mucus and drip down your throat.
Finer powder is absorbed through the nasal membranes.
It's all about the surface area.
The finer powder has more surface area.
Let's go back to the lab.
In one tank the mice are offered food and alcohol.
The other tank is identical,
except our scientists add a solution of cocaine hydrochloride.
Look at the behavior of the coke mice.
Alternating between the stash, the vodka, and the wheel
they have no interest in the nearby food.
Watch what happens when we introduce a mouse on cocaine into the other tank.
Some of the mice are crashed out, but note how the mice that are still up
can sense that he has been taking cocaine.
See how they gather around him, as if they are trying to get something from him.
Two valuable lessons are learned here.
If you're going to drink all night, cocaine will balance out the alcohol.
You won't get so drunk, and you will be able to party till dawn.
Secondly, others can sense when you have cocaine, and will pester you for it.
Watch what happens here. Tony has just hooked up a 40 bag.
And now he's talking to Brittany, a girl he has just met.
Why? You got some?
He hesitates, but he's already committed.
Here you go.
Thanks!
I need to tell you about Jennifer.
She fucked last night.
Are you serious? You're kidding me!
Hey, you want some?
Sure.
How funny was that?
Hush.
She's such a whore.
I know.
Bryan wasn't in. I heard it first hand.
You really should. You really, really should.
What do you want? Another one? Come, girl.
Here you go.
I'm pretty good. My face is numb.
Okay.
Hey.
You got the rest of my shit?
Yeah. There was, like, hardly anything in there.
Or she might say something like...
Hey.
You got the rest of my shit?
There must've been a hole or something in the bag.
Sometimes it's an honest mistake.
Sometimes it's just inexperience.
I don't really feel so good.
Sometimes it's malicious.
And sometimes it's just playing stupid.
Oh!
Did I get any?
Blow in. Not out, bitch.
But a point to remember is that a fool and his baggie are soon separated.
Let's start over again.
Yeah, I love it. Why? You got some?
Yeah. Just follow me.
It's fun ducking into a bathroom or a storeroom for a toot,
but it's not always practical.
The advanced partier will often use a technique known as "the guest bindle"
to defend against moochers.
Hey, hey, you got a bump?
The guest bindle is a paper fold constructed thus.
Once constructed, a good rule of thumb
is to put a fifth of the amount you have in the guest bindle.
You must choose glossy magazine paper.
Not too flimsy or it will tear.
Other types of paper like photocopy or newspaper are unsuitable
because they are too porous.
On one side we use a bindle made from glossy magazine paper...
and on the other side a bindle made from regular photocopy paper.
Moisture is cocaine's mortal enemy.
As you can see, the coke in the photocopy paper is ruined.
The wet cocaine is not completely useless.
It can be dried by microwaving it in ten-second increments.
But use this technique only if absolutely necessary.
Any time cocaine gets near a microwave,
you're just a dab of baking soda away from becoming a crackhead.
The coke in the glossy bindle is safe and dry.
But we digress. Let's watch the guest bindle in action.
Peter hands off the guest bindle without trepidation.
He gets to look like a generous rock star...
and he knows he has plenty left for later.
Meanwhile, back at the house party things are coming to a close.
You know you've done something right when the cops break up the party.
Oh, man, who the fuck invited the cops, man?
That's bullshit. Hey, man, the fucking cops is here!
They will show up, so be ready for them.
Is this supposed to be funny?
Yes.
Man, I don't give a fuck about these cops. They can suck my dick.
That's some gay shit. I'm trying to get that gay shit.
Are you sure you don't wanna come to this other party with me?
No, I'm just gonna go with him.
I don't wanna be left alone.
Just go with the other one. He's cute.
I'm so fucked up. I just wanna go home and get some dick.
Hey, Officer. If I fall down, will you draw a chalk outline around me?
Walk on.
Hey, hey. Oh, oh, oh.
See ya. She's gonna be all right with him?
Yeah. He's Christian. He, like, goes to a synagogue and shit.
She could kick his ass anyway.
Do we go to this other party?
Here at the Guide we do not condone drinking and driving.
It should be avoided at all costs.
Remember Oscar?
At first he seems fine, but notice the lack of coordination
as he tries to round obstacles.
His spatial awareness is diminished, and reaction times are greatly reduced,
leading to an accident and possibly injuring the mouse.
Okay, guys, they're on their way down.
10-4. We're all set.
DUI, you motherfuckers. They're coming down.
Drinking and driving is no joke,
but sometimes it's unavoidable.
So, here are some tips.
Plan your route.
Always check your lights twice.
No lights at night is the number one reason that cops pull drunk drivers over.
Take side streets, and drive carefully.
If you can, do your drinking and driving during office hours.
Much less chance of being pulled over.
Certain behaviors are sure to get you arrested.
It's like a fuckin' video game, huh?
Dude, what, are you fucked up or something, man?
Check that you are wearing your seat belt.
It's cool.
Shut the fuck up, bro. I need to concentrate.
And that your passengers.
But if you are really too drunk, then get someone else to drive.
Because if you don't...
Hide the fuckin' beer, dude. Put the fucking beer...
Come on, bro, let's go!
Hang on.
Oh, yeah.
Dude, we can't both be to the side.
Bars are fun, but eventually they close.
Last call is a rallying cry for kids who like to get down.
There are decisions to be made and strategies to formulate.
And not much time. But before you jump into anything,
remember the acceptability graph.
This graph is based on a phenomenon called "beer goggles"
or "sider vicer" for the younger lush.
The effects are startling.
Marty?
I gotta go. I'm house-sitting at this kick-ass house.
Whose place is it?
It's Mr. Belding's house. "Saved by the Bell". He was the principal.
Let's go!
Um, okay.
Yeah, but just keep it to the two of you guys.
Maybe a couple of girls.
But that is it. It's gotta be small. Very small.
You, uh, ladies interested in going to a party up in the hills?
Where?
Mr. Belding's house.
From "Saved by the Bell".
Whatever. Are there gonna be drugs?
Heaps of it.
Who says it never snows in L.A.?
There are always parties.
But sometimes, if you've met someone, the smart play is ditching out.
Yeah, let's go.
How about your friend?
Forget about her. I don't really like the bitch.
Let's go.
Outside the bar is an excellent place to figure out where the after party is.
But it's not even 1:30.
Have a good night.
Fuck!
What are we gonna do?
Do you wanna come to the party tonight?
Yeah, where is it?
Hey, Eugene, where's that party?
At 1548 Harcony.
Let's go!
Make sure you know where it is.
It's important to remember that when you get to the party,
introduce yourself to the host. And if you can, bring something.
Booze, drugs, or at the very least
make sure you show up in a group with both boys and girls.
Fuck! It's all dudes.
Editing a party is a tough job, but sometimes it just has to be done.
Otherwise you are in danger of having a "sausage party."
I'll take care of this.
Go hide in the back bedroom for one second.
Uh, hey, everybody. I hate to do this. I really hate to do this,
but I gotta get up, like, super early in the morning.
So I gotta start, like, asking you guys to leave, okay?
I hate to break it up. Sorry about that.
You guys have been cool. Thanks a lot, man. Good to see you.
I'm sorry. Terrible about it. The neighbors and stuff.
Uh, Marty, is it?
Yeah. Sorry, guys. It's just getting really late.
I just wanted to say hi,
and my friend Charlie wanted to say hi.
Yeah, yeah, come on in.
This is my friend Andy.
But with all that said and done,
it's time to get down and have some fun.
The brutal truth about coked up after parties
is that they can be a little dull.
A bunch of kids sitting around the mirror waiting for someone else
to put out the next line.
Dude, I don't know what the dizzle is here, man.
We're getting freakin' shut out.
I know, man. Dismissed.
Fucking Stonewall Jackson. What is this bullshit?
Hey. That Asian keeps looking over here.
- For real? - She's into me.
Dude, check up that fucking blondie right there.
I'm part Asian, Cock-Asian. Aha.
Look at that skirt. Look at that fucking skirt. Bring that over.
Bring that shit to me.
Let's start our party here.
It's fucking like an iceberg up in this fucking mug here.
How are you doing?
Hi.
I'm Andy.
Bryce.
Just a few years ago getting down after a night of partying
would have been an extreme endeavour
fraught with doubts about the upcoming performance.
You know I never do this, right?
It's a hard fact that coke and ecstasy
can not only affect the boy's ability to achieve and maintain an erection,
it can also shrink his manhood to the slze of a tater top.
It's okay, baby.
We can do other things.
Give me a second. I think it's getting hard.
Come on, little fella.
I'm bored.
I'm gonna watch some TV.
Pushing rope is no fun for anyone.
But nowadays we have a little blue pill
that helps us through the flaccid marshland and onto hard ground.
See how Brittany breaks off just a quarter of the pill.
And while Tony is not looking,
she crushes it into the cocaine on the mirror.
Don't worry, big boy.
Let's just shoot the rest of these lines and hang out.
Here.
Don't be afraid, guys.
Viagra is not just for impotent men and geriatrics.
Don't take the whole thing.
They're not cheap, and you'll be hard for the next two days.
Just bite the nick off the corner half an hour before you're ready to rock and roll.
And once one figures out how to combine ecstasy and Viagra in the same pill...
If God took drugs, this would be his favorite.
You came already?
The only thing you need to worry about are the warnings on the pill box.
Oh, my chest.
Are you okay? Are you okay?
Oh, shit.
Brittany's heart was in the right place,
but giving drugs to anyone without their knowledge is definitely not cool.
Tony is taking medication for a hereditary cardiac condition.
Fuck, my heart pills, man.
Your what?
My nitroglycerine. I left it in the car.
Suck it up, bro.
Oh, my God.
Don't you worry, Miss. Your boyfriend is gonna be just fine.
He's not my boyfriend. I just met him tonight. I don't have a boyfriend.
Oh, what a shame.
You're so funny. We should hang out some time.
Sure!
Take my number.
5552...
Poor Tony. But knowing he has a heart condition,
playing around with cocaine wasn't the smartest thing to do in the first place.
There are certain people you want to avoid at after parties.
The most common is the talker.
Some people go to church, like, four days a week or like scientologists.
They're like totally crazy, like.
Who really cares about oil?
I mean, you just need it for cars and stuff.
We've all heard of coke whores. These are coke bores.
Like I like kittens and puppies and...
Oh, my God!
Dude, that's enough.
Oh, my... What the fuck?
And, musicians, this is not the time or the place
to jam or debut your band's new CD.
Wait. Listen to this bit.
And finally, the "is it any good" guy.
What's up?
How you doing? You want a bump?
Is it any good?
You'd fucking hate it, man.
If someone is nice enough to offer their drugs to you, don't be a dick.
I might not hate it.
To keep your after party fun, have some activities arranged.
Charades can be fun.
But guys, especially macho guys, are often reluctant.
They will tattoo their knuckles, and mouth off to the cops,
but the sound... chills their spine.
God's spell.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
God, you're so good.
Well done. You're up.
I ain't doing it.
Too gay.
So have something a little more manly available.
Let's see.
All right. Here you go.
Thank you.
But do beware of the drunk guy.
What is that, lipstick?
No, lip gloss.
Oh, my God.
He's got to go.
I do not know him.
I really like your necklace.
Dude, don't put it all out. Save some for later.
I don't give a fuck. It's just how I do.
Hey. Right, fellas? I'm good.
Oh!
You can microwave that.
Board games rule,
and it's easy to turn pretty much any board game into an adult version.
Take it off.
That's right.
Your pants.
Oh. It's fucked up.
Earlier on we talked about the difference between fun drugs and sketchy drugs.
Cocaine is a sketchy drug when it is smoked...
but also has the potential to affect a small percentage of people in a sketchy way
by turning them into fiends.
You can always recognize a fiend.
They do not have their own drugs because they've done them all.
They cannot help but glance at the mirror every 30 seconds.
They will scrape and scrape in between lines to get a few extra crumbs.
They will be calling drug dealers at 10:30 the next morning.
It's no fun being a fiend.
But unlike the talker, the fiend can be amusing.
Are you from L.A.?
Um...
Um, I grew up in New York.
You doing the acting thing?
Yeah. I've got, like, all these offers and stuff.
That's good. Yeah, yeah, go ahead.
Sometimes if the fiend is a girl, she'll pretend to be into a boy just for the drugs.
I did a Fruit of the Loom commercial.
Were you the grapes?
I was the banana. 'Cause I'm yellow, you know.
This girl is known as a coke tease.
Can I...?
If her boy feels that this is the case, there's a simple test he can use
known as the titty bump test.
Let me do it off your nipple.
Implants are particularly good for the titty bump test
because of the angle of the dangle.
Look at this graph.
Notice how the drugs fall to the floor on the natural breast.
In this case, the girl should lean back to avoid waste.
The augmented breast is more pronounced,
so the cocaine is able to get good purchase on the nipple.
The fake breast also lends a free song of Vegas to the whole situation
which most kids agree is kind of fun.
And the experienced titty bumper can easily parley
the titty bump test into a suckle.
Even if the girl refuses, the titty bump test rarely backfires.
That guy just asked me to do a line off my breast.
What an asshole!
I'll go talk to him. Let me talk to him.
Can you believe that? It's so wrong.
Yeah. Just do it.
Did you just ask to do a bump off of June's titty?
Yeah.
That takes a lot of balls, man. Way to go.
Between you and me, that chick is a complete fiend.
She's always mooching coke. Never buying it.
Tell me about it. She left me, like, two lines, man.
Do you wanna do one?
Yeah. Can I do it off your titty?
No, I'm fucking with you.
But it's not all laughs and tomfoolery.
Would you have unprotected sex with this person?
Bad example. Uh, what about this person?
For sharing a straw is just like doing this.
A sobering thought.
And sobriety has its place in the life of kids who want to get down.
Mostly in the mornings and some afternoons, too.
But it's almost impossible to get down and be sober.
So beware.
You want a bump?
No, I'm straight-edged. That's shit.
What we need here is a bit of fun.
Oh, it's a cop out. What are you trying to escape from?
Mostly you.
What are you even doing here anyway?
You know, I don't do coke, either.
With all the fun you've been having,
the time flies and it's soon 5:30 a.m.
At about this time, some bright spark
will start making plans for tomorrow with their new best friends.
Let's go to Vegas.
Yeah.
For real, dudes.
Let's go get a pint.
You can agree to do any of these things
because everybody knows that there's no way it will actually happen.
It's more of a ritual during which boys and girls
can pretend that the following day is not a complete write off.
We should all go play paint ball.
With morning approaching, it's nearly time to go home
with that special boy or girl you've been flirting with all night.
They all left. And now I don't have a ride home.
I can probably give you a ride.
Or they've already gone, then with the best of whoever's left.
First, why don't we, uh, stop in my place?
Okay.
Guide tip number four: Remember your sunglasses.
Try not to hate the rest of the world as it goes about its business.
Remember, it's you who is the freak.
# Sirens sounding out Are we going to war #
# A film of yesterday On a broken down door #
# Send me something real To ignore or explore #
# And I'll show you all The things that I saw #
# Today #
# The words don't mean Enough for us to say #
# For us to say #
# Today #
# To steal the moment That we gave away #
# We gave away #
# Gave it away #
So, like, I'm a real romantic kind of girl.
I love relationships. I love when guys bring me roses.
And candle-lit dinners.
And also I love long walks.
And I think the best part of our relationship is good communication.
Like, when you finish to say your sentences.
I mean, it's so cool, 'cause it's like two minds
but you really are thinking with one. What are you doing?
I guess there's only one way to shut you up, isn't there?
No, I mean...
Anyways, I love when a guy picks me up
and, like, he opens the door for me.
I like showing. It just makes you feel like such a classy lady.
In an ideal world, you'll have a great time getting down with your friend
and will wake up the following morning and swear undying love for each other.
But sometimes it wasn't meant to be.
I just woke up.
I've got Run DMC in my bed. What the fuck am I supposed to do?
Oh, just... I don't know.
Tell him your mom's coming over or something.
I'll call you later. Bye-bye.
Okay, bye.
Hey.
Watch out, L.L.
Was gonna get the gold chain.
Uh, Joey, hey.
Hey, I just talked to my mom.
She just called, and she's coming to take me to breakfast in 10 minutes.
I wanna sleep for like ten more minutes.
You go, eat a biscuit or somethin'.
Oh, my God.
Seriously, you gotta get up.
Please. Please. Come on!
Look, c'mon, man! I'm trying to sleep! Goddamn, I'm tired!
I'm tired! Look at my face. I'm tired.
Get the fuck out of my room.
Goddamn!
I asked you nicely to get out of my bed.
Now, put your Santa suit on and get the fuck out.
What happened to morning manners? That's bullshit.
It's not bullshit. That outfit's bullshit.
It's not, man. I'm getting out of here.
You know what? All you bitches are the same.
All act the same. And you know what?
I didn't wanna say nothing, but your house smells like cat shit.
Smells like Garfield has walked up in here and took a shit.
My goddamn glasses.
You know what? One day you'll be all by yourself.
Oh, God. Are you still talking?
You'll be sitting here and with all the cats playing poker or whatever,
'cause you ain't got no goddamn friends. And they'll be shitting,
and you won't be seeing any 'cause you're crazy and you'll have a great moha.
Shut the fuck up!
Will you just shut the fuck up and get out of my house?
I'm out. I'm out of here.
Good. Get, go, scram, get out. Get the fuck out!
This is nasty. It is shit over here!
You never shut up. You talk and talk and talk and talk.
This is not sexy. You keep human shit on the side of your bed?
That's what it smells like.
Did your cat used to be a man? 'Cause it smells like man shit in here.
Just get out. Put your fucking sneakers on and run.
Get the fuck out!
You know what? I'm gonna tell all my boys
that you have a Mohawk on your pussy. You pussy Mohawk.
Bad planning on Kate's part has led to a tense situation in the morning.
But look what happens if she had laid the groundwork the night before.
Uh. You can come in for a little bit.
Hang out, whatever. But you can't stay the night,
because my mom's coming in the morning.
If she sees you here, she'll freak out.
It's cool. That's all right.
Oh, um, I'm not gonna fuck you.
I know.
Oh, shit.
Nobody likes a stranger in their bed after a hard night out.
So not staying over is definitely the way to go. But beware.
Anyone under the age of 23 will need cab money in order to get themselves home.
You need some cab money?
Yeah, 20 would be great.
You live around the block.
Be a stand-up guy. Don't make her ask.
It's five.
So, keep some small bills around for just such an occasion.
Hey, uh, can I borrow these?
Thanks.
I just paid eight bucks for those!
Remember, anything she borrows, you will never see again.
Drugs and alcohol, while a lot of fun,
are not known for the wisdom they lend to the decision making process.
If you are thinking about going home with someone but you are not sure
or you know you're wasted, then don't.
That's my house.
Trees and stuff and...
You know, um, I can't do this.
What do you mean, you can't do this?
I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this.
You want to have this?
No, it's not about that.
I'm a second date kind of girl.
All right. We'll just go inside.
But I'll call you.
You're a really great guy, Orlando.
And I'll call you. I promise. I'll call you.
You don't have my number.
Oh. Uh...
Uh, what is it?
In cases like these, your hand is your friend. So show it some appreciation.
Of all the advice in this Guide,
this is the truest for both boys and girls.
Go home alone. Pull your pod.
Choke your chicken. Beat your meat.
You wanna make party with me?
Girls, rub one out, diddle the skittle, check your oil.
Hey, this soap scum comes right off.
Spare a thought for all those who have made your night fun.
You explain to me what the heck vicious masturbation is.
And for those who have to clear up your mess this morning.
You fucking cock suckers.
Felix? Call me back. It's important.
My God. What the hell is going on here?
Did Felix send you?
No. Marty? Oh, my God, my house.
Marty?
Fuck!
Marty!
What is going on here?
I had a couple of people over.
They all gotta go, Marty. She's gotta go.
He's gotta go. Don't drop the...
I know, I know. Everybody, we gotta go.
I'm waiting for someone.
No, sweetheart, you're leaving. Everybody, Marty.
Everybody. Guys, you gotta get out of here. They're gone.
Everybody! You know who everybody means?
You. Okay? Anything else?
Uh, I wouldn't look in your bathroom for a while.
And don't look in the pool. The pool's kinda...
Don't look at the pool.
If you have to be at work in a few hours,
have your excuse ready.
I'm totally bloated. I'm just a monster.
Or better...
I'm really sick.
Because this isn't even a lie.
I think I ate bad shrimp.
And as for those boys and girls who did struggle in...
cut them a little slack.
Don't talk too loud.
But most of all, don't beat yourself up.
You had more fun in the last ten hours
than most people do in a month.
Don't be ashamed.
Eugene! My butt hurts.
No, it doesn't. Don't be such a baby.
Don't give up.
And try not to freak out.
Peter. Hey, Peter. Peter!
What?
Greg just called.
He said something about finding Tony's pills in his car.
He wants to know if he still needs them.
Why are you asking me?
'Cause he's not here.
Woo! Aha!
You like that, eh?
Woo!
Trust me. He's having the time of his life.
What's up? Hello. Let's have a little look.
Oh, yes.
Uhh!
Redness and swelling.
Smoke this twice a day before meals.
And complete the full course of treatment.
Are you a real doctor?
Of course I'm a real doctor.
Thanks.
Jesus Christ! Loud as hell.
Just chill.
Phoenix like, you'll rise again.
Jesus Christ. People are trying to sleep.
It's 4:00, asshole.
Dude, I scored with the hottest chick last night.
I know. I was there!
I just sent you some pictures.
Dude, she's a freaking porno. Did you tag her?
Dude, it was insane. We got it on like Donkey Kong.
Dude, is she asleep?
Well, she wouldn't, you know, let me take any while...
- She was hot, man. I needed proof. - I don't blame you, bro.
Nice one. This one's going right to the front of the spank-o-dex.
Dude!
She left her scrunchy.
Ooh.
You gotta smell this, bro.
Yeah.
Peaches.
Oh. The sweet smell of success.
Like a bouquet.
Nice doing, bro.
Oh!
Never again.
Guide tip number six:
Never again. Well, not for a few days anyway.
Peter! Bring your skinny ass up here.
Give me some more loving.
Come home to mama, baby.
Here I come! Are you ready?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Fuck that, man.
# All I do all day is max and relax and smoke pot #
# You ask me how much Dude a whole lot #
# Got so many fucking lines in my rhymes it needs botox #
# Last night I banged a chick with a Mohawk #
# I beat it up She was Rodney King I was four cops #
# I think I forgot to use a rubber I hope not #
# 'Cause I don't know what the fuck that punk rock ho got #
# Tic-toc and you don't stop Unless you're a crazy motherfucker #
# And you're rocking My broke watch #
# Oh fuck that 'Cause I don't need no clock #
# Tell me, Johnny, that it's time to do the robot #
That shit was hard, right?
# Fight for your right to #
# Party #
# Fight for your right to #
# Be free #
# Fight for your right to #
# Say anything #
# Fight for your right to #
# Be anyone #
# Get naked #
# Shake it #
# Fight for your right to #
# Party #
# Fight for your right to #
# Be free #
# Fight for your right to #
# Say anything #
# Fight for your right to #
# Be anyone #
# Get naked #
# Shake it #
# Fight for your right to #
# Party #
# Fight for your right to #
# Be free #
# Fight for your right to #
# Say anything #
# Fight for your right to #
# Be anyone #
# Get naked #
# Shake it #
# Fight for your right to #
# Party #
# Fight for your right to #
# Be free #
# Fight for your right to #
# Say anything #
# Fight for your right to #
# Be anyone #
# Get naked #
# Shake it #